mydeliverance

why can i talk to you and only you

what is it with people with over promises? can i really believe them wen they say i’m with you ‘support you all the way’

what is this bullshit they say i would tell u how to make it in a shorter way but i don’t wanna tell you.
get outta hear, this is ridicules, why r people like this. Like to watch others suffer.
i mean, i show u i wanna learn, u see no one is being a good teacher…
what is wrong with teaching me, sharing waterer it is u have.
no u have to make it difficult. of course, i forget, I’m living life…

think positive, think as if everything you want has already happened.
it’s tiring, it’s tiring sometimes.

before with this type of mood i would be painting right now. letting it all out on my canvas.
letting every rush and mixtures of feeling on to the white canvas, covering darker and darker until it reaches me. calls out to me.

aaa i miss it, i feel ashamed for stopping it.
i don’t have the time anymore. that was my only true dream really…
to have my paintings touch peoples hearts, to move something deep down inside them.
to make them want to cry, laugh, hurt, and relate to it.
i feel so guilty whenever i think about it.
i have left something i always dreamed of,
but for how long?

i tell myself i won’t loose whatever i have in me, i know one day i will get back to it.
but every now and then i am reminded of my guilt for that dream.
again this IS life… there is only so much my body can over exhaust it’s self, before i pass out